Diary of a bad makeup story
I am a hamster stuck-
Running in my place .
My shoes are glued to the perils of failure-
Paddling away into the abyss of nothingness .
The princess I once was,
De-makeup-fying , démaquillage (ing) my false reality .
Thump . Bump . Chump .
What was that sound ?
Oh nothing, just my pride.
Sold for a tide.
Ride it while you can.
Salty water tickles my cheek – surfing its way down my neck.
Once adjourned by gold .
Sold to fill a void .
Outside my not-so-humble abode.
Alone I find my home.
Stoned into the pages of a book I call my own .
P.S. Scroll all the way down for a side-by-side image of me with and without makeup.
Makeup for dummies (me)
1. Makeup is trial and error. It taught me patience
My story with makeup started not too long ago. I can’t say I blame society. Makeup was never a priority for me. Mostly, because I did not know how to apply it.
Makeup disaster stories are my middle name. A mismatched neck? Check. An orange face? Check. Cheeks filled with blush only on the cheek bones? Check.
Basically, any makeup mistake, my poor face endured.
Also, if by some miracle my makeup looks normal, I rub my eyes and smear black mascara all over my face.
Blotches of runny black or blue (depending on my eyeliner color), run down my cheek. Attractive right? I know.
How could I forget the red lipstick that explodes on my teeth like a blood smear?
No, I do not have gingivitis, this is just my red lipstick.
2. My biggest insecurity: Looking young
Makeup helped me recognize my insecurity and hide it.
The real reason I started wearing makeup is embarrassing. At 18, I wanted to enter clubs. But everyone thought I looked 14.
The curse of the babyface coupled with being short, is a not-so-cute combination when entering a club.
A bartender once asked me why I was in a bar. “This is no place for you”, he said. Random people squeeze my cheeks and pat my head.
No matter how often I correct them, they still think I am young. Until now, I get mistaken for a high school student.
So, yes. I started wearing makeup so that I can enter clubs. Like many others, I realized it made me look older.
Bam. It was a love story (sort of).
3. Foundation is not for me : Learning about my skin
Don’t follow trends
For some reason, wearing makeup taught me a lot about my skin. I hate to admit this, but I never put on any creams.
However, when I started wearing makeup – I felt my face was so dry. So, I started wearing moisturizers and noticing my skin.
When I started wearing makeup, my naturally clear skin started getting pimples. As an adult 😭.
The more I wore foundation the worse my skin got. Today, I don’t wear foundation anymore. Although, I still wear eyeshadow and mascara, and occasionally lipstick.
I learned not to follow trends. If something looks good on your sister, friend, or a really good-looking stranger. It does not mean it will suit your face.
Instead, do what works for you and your skin tone.
If you have clear skin, do you really need the foundation? My face looks better without it. Or maybe my technique is disastrous.
Funnily enough, today I am better at putting on makeup, but do not wear it often.
On the left is a barefaced image of me in summertime. Summer blesses us with a natural foundation. On the right is an image of a paler 😭winter version of me. I learned to just roll with it.
Yay, I feel like two different people in summer and winter.
4. What people think about people who wear makeup: Judge others less
Barefaced vs. full-faced. This is an ongoing battle on social media. It is also an internal battle that I go through.
Surprisingly, a study that came out this year, found that women with makeup were rated as less human.
The researchers used a scale to measure dehumanization. In detail, this UK study covered 1,000 participants.
Of course, we cannot generalize.
However, my intuition is telling me there is some truth to this.
People are a lot nicer to me, when I wear makeup that looks natural. However, with a full face of makeup, people tend to be ruder.
At some point, I internalized this as- makeup should look natural. Full-faced make up is bad, which it is not. I cannot do it, myself. So, why judge them?
How can you judge someone when you realize how hard it is to make makeup match your mood?
5. Pick a makeup style that fits your lifestyle
With every stroke of makeup, I lose a part of myself.
The freedom to stroke my eyes.
Thinking before running because my foundation might smear. Makeup should not feel like you have to change yourself. Pick a style that suits your personality.
Instead, I need to use makeup the way I like to. Meaning, where I can still run around and do what I want. For me that is: moisturizer, with mascara, and lip balm. Other days I can throw in eyeshadow.
Beyond makeup: Wearing a mask:
My mask is slowly crumbling. I don’t know when I started wearing a mask.
Little changes eventually make a new person, in public at least. At some point, I stopped smiling and complimenting people.
That is not me. At least not the version of me I want to be. I need to take off my makeup.
I have been going on and on about taking off masks. So far, you have not seen me barefaced or with full makeup.
The picture on the left 👇🏼 is me when I am most comfortable at the beach. Letting the sun work as my natural blush maker. I feel l look friendlier.
On the right, is my picture before attending a wedding. I feel like I look more professional.
To clarify, I think makeup is powerful and empowering too.
Nothing beats walking into a room, with a full face of makeup painted by an artist(e). The e at the end is not optional. It is an art form.
I am talking more about the metaphorical mask. Being superficial, naive, and artificial.
Why I am changing
I am not sure if there is one specific reason to pinpoint. A voice in the back of my head is calling me to stop.
Each time the voice sounds different. Sometimes, it is the younger version of me. Other times, it is my alter ego. Or a friend or family member.
Eventually, I listen. One day I woke up and realized I start my mornings doing something I don’t like . I eat food that does not make my heart flutter.
Coffee is my poison of choice just to feel awake. My clothes are all the same color even though my brain is a discolored mess.
Since when do I eat quinoa? Or like watching random YouTubers.
Reading was always my escape as a young child. Yet , I don’t remember the last time I read a book I liked.
I am getting back to me- even though I don’t know who “me” is.
Things I’m going to focus on…
On Instagram, I read a post that says, the more you grow and work on yourself, the more you realize there is more to fix.
Working on myself is now my full-time job. This journey of self-discovery will keep changing. I started by reflecting on what I see in the mirror. Trying to like her.
I’m sure there’s a lot more to do. For now, I will focus on:
- Weird dances
- Sappy romantic books
- Philosophical questions
- Finding the goofy
The next time I wear makeup is because I feel like expressing myself. Not because I want to look older.
Ending my messy makeup story. Starting a healthy makeup story.