Daily life poems

How to ask for help without pissing people off.

Help me.

Two simple words.

Why is it so hard to say?

Pride. Vanity. Standing in my way.

Way to be lame.

Just say it. The world wonโ€™t crumble and crack.

All they can do is say: no. Worse, they say yes.

Awkward feelings start to surface. Am I enough?

Just ask. And ask again. Then, your awkwardness will go away.

Help me

A lonely walk: I walk this lonely street

It is 2018. I walk on an empty desolate road. The dark light is starting to scare me.

Little fears and irrational whispers start tuckering in my ear. You might get raped. Chased. Hurt.

You are a foreigner all alone in a country that is not your own. Walking a thin ally-way I do not care to be on.

Still, I march on. Because mama raised no wuss.

Stepping longer than my short legs can handle, past my stride length, I continue moving.

The distinct noise of man pounding behind me, only makes me move quicker.

I keep moving and moving- trying my best to make it home quicker.

Locked out

Only I don’t have the key. Since it was with my little sister. I knew my house was only 1 minute away.

What could go wrong?

I continue moving- running- until I reach my studio garden apartment, linked to a next-door pool house.

Hallelujah, I see lights. After one of the longest 60 seconds of my life, I arrive at the complex. Luckily, a cute couple, is home.

They let me into the main gate. Yet, I am still stuck.

In front of the garden, with a light grey barrier separating me from my savior neighbors.

Walking alone at night

People are willing to help: Oops I was evicted

To illustrate, the scene resembled a slow police car chase, only on feet.

I have been in more dangerous situations. But my fear in this situation was more amplified.

Although I was not touched or physically harassed. Just a soft-low key chase.

If you lived, where I lived you’d get used to being followed. Long ago, I learned, the people who follow you loudly, are not the ones to fear.

A desolate look on my face must have triggered a compassionate response.

The couple offered to let me stay at their apartment until my sister arrived. Only my bravado did not let me enter. How dumb of me?

Nice couple helped me.
Photo by Kindel Media on Pexels.com

Shopping for common sense on a crabby day

However, that day I felt more defeated. Maybe, it is because I was recently given an eviction notice.

Spent the day looking for new homes, when acid rain started to fall.

Killing my allegedly waterproof iPhone. A sharp frying sound, the last words my iPhone made.

I, on the other hand, was shaking from the cold. Soaking wet, in a mini-short onesie.

All I could do was bid my time till my sister finished work.

Like an idiot, I thanked the couple for letting me into the garden.

Insisting, “No thank you. My sister will be here any second”.

So, I spent the next hour, in the dark, alone- shaking. At the beginning stages of a cold.

For the next 3 days, I had a deathly cold, in the middle of paradise.

If I only accepted their offer, and asked for help, or at least called my sister, none of this would have happened.

After this day, I learned a lesson, to always ask for help, if I can’t do something myself, after trying.

How to ask for help without pissing people off

  1. Get straight to the point. People hate when they feel like others are treating them like an idiot. Nobody likes being treated like a fool. Just think of yourself. You know when someone is being fake. Don’t do it. You will only annoy them.
  2. Don’t be entitled. Just because you ask for help does not mean you will get it. People don’t owe you. Don’t take people for granted. If someone helped you in the past, it doesn’t mean they have the means or want to help you now.
  3. Don’t talk to people only when you need help. If I could vote for one of the worst traits in another human, it would be this one. Simply, it is rude. No matter how you spin it. Don’t suddenly start saying, “I miss you”, just because you need help. It is phony.
  4. Be honest. Asking for help- but lying about why you need it. Or even worse, lying about paying people back. If you can’t pay someone back just tell them. Most times, they already know you won’t. Hence, lying is only going to annoy them.
Just ask

Asking for help online

Asking for help is more difficult than asking for help from someone next to you. Easily, you just nudge a friend and they respond.

It is easier to answer in-person vs. typing.

However, online you need to be sure you are not asking questions that you can Google.

Online, asking for help entails, providing screenshots of the tasks done, as well as help forums.

Where we ask for help, influences our help-seeking.

cheerful senior mother and adult daughter using smartphone together
Photo by Andrea Piacquadio on Pexels.com

Asking for help online is different. You feel sort of like a dufus.

There is a written record, and a Whatsapp chat or voice notes, to remind you, you needed help. You were inefficient.

Something, about asking for help online, is hindering students.

Even intelligent personal assistants are available on phones. Yet, most people don’t use them regularly.

Interestingly, a 2018 study found that students seek more help in-person vs. online, via texting and social media.

What does this mean for the Zoom era? Are people asking for help even less? Turning instead, to help-forums.

Online help

Reasons to ask for help (helping the helper)

Most of the time, you are not a burden. The reward pathway in our brain lights up when we help people. Eat, and do other fun things. 

So, think of it as eating with someone or any other fun thing you can think of.

Specifically, most contacts are willing to help job seekers find jobs. Especially, when the contact is familiar with his or her qualifications.

High-status contacts can help more. Accordingly, maybe, you are just asking the wrong person.

If a person is stuck in a rut or a sticky situation at work. Likely, it is not that they are not trying to help you. But, simply unable to.

People underestimate by 50% others’ willingness to help them

Rewarding to help

The person you copy your notes off of might need help

Shockingly, in 2018, 1 in four university students displayed anxiety symptoms. Yet, the majority of students do not ask for help.

If we look around, we will see, many people we love need help. Are we part of anxiety promoting culture?

No. Let’s not normalize needing to be anxious to survive university.

Anxiety

Finally… What can I do to help?

In conclusion, are you the type of person who refuses to ask for directions?

Lost on a road– where Google Maps failed you. Yet, you still don’t ask questions.

Need a reference? But hate lowering yourself to the basic need of asking. I’ve been there.

I picked my Master’s degree based on not needing recommendations since I hate asking for favors.

Lost? Ask for help.
Photo by Leah Kelley on Pexels.com

I think I got fascinated with the concept of helping after watching the show, New Amsterdam. Where, the main character, Max’s tagline is, “How can I help“. 

It got me thinking, some people love helping. We underestimate that. Let people feel pride.

Snap out of it. That’s what I tell myself. It is impossible to go through life without needing help at all.

You might as well get used to it. You. Will. Need. Help. If not today, tomorrow.

Don’t be shy ๐Ÿ˜ณ

Ask for advice. Think of it this way. The more you ask for help, the better helper you become.

It’s that awkward time in life again. When I need help. Shocker. I do not know everything. Actually, I make a lot of dumb decisions.

Consequently, I want to leave you on a calming note, in case you need to ask for help too.

Music can reassure you. Especially, the song, Help is on The Way, by Toby Mac.

Since it is true. Aid is always on the way if we ask. *It could be midnight or midway. It is never early or late*.

When was the last time you asked for a helping hand?

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