self-sabotage hurts
Daily life poems

How to identify self-sabotage in relationships (8 signs)

Self-sabotage wrecks loving, intimate relationships.

I used to close my eyes and make hushed wishes for others,

In bed, on an overused pillow. I never felt worthy of a wish or prayer.

Every person seemed to merit more of a space in this world.

A larger share of the glory and grandeur.

Is this because I believe I am less than?

So scared, to let myself shine? 

Am I afraid? To want, wish and dream.

So scared, to let myself shine and glow?

Every opportunity, I shoot down instead of taste.

Self-sabotage is addictive.

Let me taste more.

Lost and found: relationship status (Self-fulfilling prophecy).

First, you get the idea that you can never pass. You don’t deserve anybody good. Then, surprise, you go back to the same person.

Caught you, you just fell into the trap of the self-fulfilling prophecy.

This pertains to any area of your life, including your relationship(s).

So, this is for the single people out there, who continue to sabotage themselves. Why do we do this?

Can we stop?

fulfilling prophecy

Spotting our negative behavior

Self-sabotage is when we stop ourselves from reaching our goals or getting something we like.

Think of it as handcuffing yourself on purpose.

What kind of crazy person would want themselves to fail? Me. I am that person.

This is not an advice piece. Rather, a way for me to figure out why I do the things I do.

Photo by Pixabay on

Move. Get out of the way.

Beep. The first step to getting out of your own way is to recognize your self-sabotaging behavior.

So, you start a relationship. But never can follow through, especially in the long run.

Just the word marriage makes you want to run to the other side of the building, even if you don’t have time to get dressed.

Ok, maybe I am projecting onto you.

That is me. Putting up a cement wall or barrier to withdraw or justify my failure. Luckily, there are signs to look out for that can help me 👇🏼.

stop self-sabotage

Exterminate these 7 self-sabotaging behaviors

Recently, researchers did the heavy work for us and found out why we are unromantic.

More specifically, showing us the signs where we self-sabotage or detonate romantically. I confess I am just a parrot rewording them.

1. Help. Partner under attack.

Stop. Don’t throw your partner overboard. They just might not swim back to you. Examples of partner attack include:

  • Judgement, accusations, criticism, payback, complaining, yelling, name-calling.

Why is your hair so greasy? Oh, you are so stupid. You have put on weight.

You never do anything right. Ugh. That hurts to hear. I’m sure it hurts to say too. So, let’s stop.

relationship fights

2. Partner pursuit.

Ew, stop following me. Well, your partner is not going to say that to your face.

But that is what they feel if you continue checking up on them (an unnatural amount).

Say no to being clingy. Everyone needs their space.

partner under attack
Where are you going?

3. Partner withdrawal

On the other end, if you feel your partner does not meet your needs, then you withdraw. Your partner is not a credit card, withdrawing from them will not work.

Doing things like:

  • Ignoring them, stonewalling, avoiding conflict, hiding emotions, focusing more on children or elderly parents.

Basically, you are giving them the cold shoulder. That can only last for so long before they start withdrawing too.

Unfortunately, you can’t have a relationship without 2 humans (or more).

withdrawal is self-sabotage

4. Defensiveness.

I am right, he is wrong. She never listens. It is never your fault. Does it work that way though?

Well, it works that way if you are defensive. Externalizing and shifting blame. Meanwhile, victimizing yourself.


5. Jealousy issues.

I’m jealous. You’re jealous. Is jealousy love? Jealousy to some extent is normal, even tender.

However, if you do not trust your partner and are wondering why they committed to you. Maybe, you are in the wrong relationship.

jealousy hurts

6. Self-destructive behaviors

Surprisingly, too much shopping is destructive. So is, excessive drinking, gambling, and even overeating.

Oh, that is hard. Especially, for someone like me with an extreme personality.

Apparently, doing these behaviors excessively is a coping behavior from a bad relationship.

On a side note: I think this is why I am doomed. Honestly, excessive shopping is part of my DNA.

drunk self-sabotage

7. Not an affair.

The easiest sign you are sabotaging yourself is by having an affair or entanglement.

Even thinking positively of an affair, is a way you are sabotaging your relationship in your head.

If you cannot commit and think there is a better option elsewhere. Then, I’m afraid you are stuck.

Ultimatum time. Either recognize your self-sabotage and stop. Or, if you are uninterested, leave. No need to torture both of you.

Conclusion… a love curse?

Finally, deep down, the main reason we self-sabotage is that we don’t think we are enough. That is just plain crazy.

Every human deserves to love and love back.

Why would you or me, out of all the beings in the world, be the only ones unworthy?

Say no to overthinking and half your problems might disappear.

I don’t think we are that special, for the universe to take its time out of its day, to curse us like this.

No, we are not cursed. We are just standing in our own way.

Nonetheless, self-sabotage is not a death sentence. Just scootch.

If we recognize, we are harming or handcuffing ourselves. Maybe, we will stop.

Selfishly, I hope I will stop.


Do you also self-sabotage?

Hit the reply button !