Welcome to my ADHD brain as an adult woman. Yes, adults have ADHD too.
Kneeling down to put my socks on.
One sock is blue with stripes. The other has weird heart shapes on it.
Am I trying to be quirky?
No, I just always lose my socks in the wash.
Lazy, maybe that is a more applicable word.
Quirky sounds nicer. So, I guess I will go with that.
Wait-what was I talking about again?
Bent down- prepping myself for the day.
Thoughts start to annoy me. Thoughts nibble at my brain. I push them aside, trying to go on with my day.
The mundane tasks are always the hardest for me.
I need to stay on track.
Follow my list.
Why is it so hard?
Get dressed. Shower. Do your to-do list.
Why is it not as simple for me?
I guess that is the curse or blessing of ADHD.
You are never bored.
You never complete a list either.
Sometimes you complete 5 lists in a day. Write 50 pages with ease.
The next day you are left with a page of chaotic mess.
It’s easy. Just fix the mess into a pretty bow. Wrap your words into a pattern people understand.
Sometimes, I ignore the words.
Other times the words are too alluring and addictive.
It’s a balancing act between listening to the distraction and ignoring the noise.
Today, is a distracting day. Can you tell?
I am enjoying it though.
How about you, are you distracted or focused today?
A to-do list is incompatible with my ADHD brain
It’s funny lists are everywhere. For some reason, everyone assumes all women have lists running through their brains. We are multi-tasking queens. Not me though. I am a multi-tasking peasant. Sorry, to disappoint.
I am an anti-lister. My brain does not function in succession.
ADHD is more common in males. However, ADHD exists in women too. ADHD in women is slightly different. You can have ADHD and be non-violent. Indeed, a smiley pacifist does not quite fit the bill. Sitting in a chair for a long period of time does though. Squirming to get out. Counting the seconds until the day finishes.
Always lost. Looking for an anchor. My brain does not let me find a plan. Stupid? That is what they want and expect you to be, to fit their image of an ADHD.
I was diagnosed twice with ADHD. Both times ridiculed. To many, it is not a real disease. Well, I was passing classes, so it was not a priority. I talk more about my ADHD struggles with school here.
My ego does not believe in broadcasting your needs. It really is not a big deal. Many aspects of my personality were gifted to me by ADHD. I never took Adderall, yet I survived. I was prescribed once, but my parents refused to give it to me.
Annoying ADHD habits that I love
Yes, having ADHD makes me spacey and distracted. Is it weird I like the allure of imagination and distraction? It is entertaining.
Hyperactivity. Loudness. I always got in trouble for those things; I never gave it much care.
Surprisingly, I never cared that I skipped the important parts of tv shows by pressing the forward button. Or, that puzzles make me cry. Board games were never my thing. Sitting calmly as I play cards is my nightmare.
I may be one of the few people in this modern world who never played a video game. My brain never seems to focus no matter how hard I try. The only thing I can do and do quickly is write and speak. That is not focus though. It is more a compulsion or distraction from everything else.
In university, I managed. I just didn’t write notes. I enjoyed the stories and inner jokes I made along the page. Thankfully, I understand write well enough to bullshit my way across theories. Books were always my teachers anyway.
Likewise, I never really cared to be perfect, the best, or really good at anything at all. I don’t care if you think I am smart or dumb. Instead, I care more about if I make you feel energized or drained.
The only place where I felt less than: on the road
The only time I feel less than and truly behind is when I drive. That is when my ADHD brain really lets me down.
The way it took me forever to master the car, that stung though. For the longest time, I could not listen to music when driving. It took me forever to learn how to park. Notice, how everyone gets excited when they turn 18 to learn to drive. That was never me. It took me two years to get my license and be confident enough to be on the road. My driving coach even told, me , I would fail my test.
You learn to live with it and go from there. Driving is not my favorite. I will always prefer to be a passenger. However, I force myself to drive because I have to.
ADHD is an everyday thing.
Just yesterday, I joined my sister to help her buy a phone line. As expected, the line was long and included a lot of waiting. I instantly became fidgety. Moving from bench to bench. My mom snapped a picture of me waiting. I sat on the bench for a minute before it was too long. I had to go around walking and exploring.
At times, it gets annoying. In a way, I am happy. My fidgeting and hyperactivity pushed me towards the trees and walking around a beautiful space.
Just a minute after sitting so calmly, I went around walking and tripped on my own feet.
I would still choose my ADHD brain
Despite, all the little quirks linked to ADHD; I think it shaped my personality. The way I stop to talk to random people along my path. My ability to just speak. I don’t think my creativity would exist without ADHD. It is a part of me. Writing is what distracts me from the real world. I do not know if this is good or bad. It just is. Maybe, it is ADHD that pushed me into a world of writing compulsions.
Taking extra-long to do tasks taught me to take the time to focus on the little things. The small and simple things, which add up and make my day. The things that make me smile. If, I did not take so long to do something I wouldn’t have entertainment. I probably wouldn’t have realized how funny and uplifting many people are. For that I am thankful.
In conclusion, I would choose my mess, mismatched socks, and ADHD brain any day because it is me.