Are humans evil? Are we too quick to call someone a narcissist and monster?
A short poem about monsters and narcissism.
There was a time in my life, I thought everything was right.
There was a time in my life, I thought everyone was good.
I didn’t believe people could be bad.
I couldn’t see their faults.
Their faults are clearer today. More magnified.
The little girl grew up.
Now, I know.
There are no heroes or villains.
There are only people.
Anybody can be nice. Anybody can be mean.
A serial killer can be a good father.
A good father can be a serial killer.
We are all someone’s demon.
We are all someone’s angel.
We are all someone’s person.
We just need to try not to be killers, stealers, or haters.
It is a series of small changes that make a monster.
It might start by getting rejected. Hit. Or, robbed.
You helped them but they didn’t help you.
Slowly, you start saying no more. You help less.
Till you become more and more like them – the monster(s) you hated.
Your inner child is crying. Save her or him.
Anybody when pushed can do something bad.
We are all just human.
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Please note that narcissistic personality is very real. If you are in a toxic situation, and don’t feel comfortable it is always best to leave. Also, if you are/were at the receiving end of a narcissist, I am sorry. That is horrible. Your feelings are very valid. Narcissists gaslight people enough. Your feelings are real. However, I am just talking about the confusion between narcissism in pop culture and the personality disorder.
Stop calling people narcissists.
Just because you don’t like someone doesn’t mean they are a narcissist. With the rise of the internet and blogs- there is also an increase in people who claim to be experts. Many are. However, we cannot diagnose (for the most part) through a screen. There is no one fits all approach.
A lot of people read an article- see the signs and suddenly think- yup that person is a narcissist. I think anybody has felt manipulated or used at some point. However, we usually only see our side of the story. Friendship. Life. Everything is an exchange of sorts.
Negotiations in our daily life
- When you speak up.
- Where you choose to sit.
- Who you choose to spend your time with.
- Who you help.
These are all examples of negotiations or power-exchanges.
While you may feel like you are being manipulated when you are helping someone; there are many reasons we choose to help. Maybe, it is for social status. Other times, you just like their company or humor. They might take you places. It does not mean they are narcissists.
That said, of course there are real narcissists lurking in the corner. Stay clear of them.
However, we sometimes need to look in the mirror. Think, would they call us narcissists too?
Anybody can have characteristics of a narcissist and still not have a personality disorder.
Evil is not an aesthetic, no she/he is not a narcissist.
In many circles, being a narcissist is the epitome of evil. Narcissists are toxic. Abusers. And manipulators. Then again, a narcissistic aesthetic is prevalent in pop culture and social media. At times, I feel it is trendy to call someone a narcissist.
They did me wrong they have to be 👇🏼
Is it so hard to accept that not everything will go our way? Not everyone will want us. Yes, some people want to hurt us. Hurting you does not equate narcissism though.
Isn’t it narcissistic to assume that just because something bad happened to us, another person is a narcissist?
It’s not your fault you are confused: narcissism is tricky
Furthermore, in many shows and movies, like Sherlock Holmes or the tv show House, you are faced with characters who people assume are narcissists. People are still arguing about whether they are narcissists.
I am still undecided.
However, anybody can display narcissistic behavior. Yet, not everyone has a personality disorder.
The problem with popular culture is that we appoint the consequences of the personality disorder to the wrong people. This can occur at any point in time. The side-effects are real and scary.
Actual symptoms of narcissism according to the DSM-5 guidelines
More importantly, narcissism is actually a personality disorder. Not a trend. It includes a pattern of grandiosity and an inflated sense of oneself or self-importance.
Finally, for a more comprehensive list of the symptoms of the personality disorder go here.
Relax, it’s not your fault if, you find the concept confusing. Even, psychologists argued about the guidelines of narcissism in the diagnostic manual of mental disorders (DSM-4). In the 4th edition, all the identifying traits seemed to focus on the outsiders or others. Specifically, the influence narcissists have on people in their environment vs. their internal psychological struggles.
Even, the treatment for narcissistic personality disorder is NOT yet standardized.
Only 1 in 200 Americans have Narcissistic Personality disorder. For all the numbers people, I’m sorry this finding is not generalizable. There are not many figures or statistics about other countries. This is because the disorder is not as prevalent as we think.
Or, the screening methods are not adequate. For instance, it is often discovered when screening for other personality disorders.
Unfortunately, we still have a lot to learn. Put simply, we do not know enough.
All in all, stay clear of the narcissists. Also, remember not everyone is a monster. If we stigmatize people too quickly, then maybe they actually become monsters. We don’t need any more “monsters”. 😊