Do we have to stay for toxic conversations?
H.a.s.B.e.e.n She walks away. That is how she ends every argument, Throwing away her anger in the trash. Try to trap her in the past. That is not a blast. [A message from your next door has-been].
Does walking away from conversations work?
Wow, that is a tricky question. Mostly, it depends on the situation. Technically, yes, you can walk away.
Indeed, the conversation and toxic situation get terminated.
But, ugh, there is always a “but”. The spill-over or residue of what is left unsaid repeats in the walls of your mind.
As soon as you return home, the conversation starts playing on loop over and over again.
I guess that means the conversation did not end. Do you feel stuck wanting to say more words?
Like that nightmare where you are asleep and try to speak, but words do not come out.
Leave the uncertainty for your nightmares. In the outside world, say what you have to say, so the shadow of regrets does not follow you everywhere you go.
My shadow is the only one beside me~ Greenday.
This song lyric by Greenday is surprisingly philosophical. See, our shadow is the one stuck listening to our annoying whining voice.
Our reflection is what has to deal with the fallout of our rash decisions.
More importantly, if we always walk away from people, then all that will remain is our shadow.
Leave your umbra behind.
As a reference, an umbra is the fully shaded region of a shadow cast by an opaque object.
The darkest part is where I think all our inner raging occurs, whereas people’s comments and perspectives are the light lurking on the outside.
If we ignore the light behind the umbra, then we are left only in the dark (quite literally). We will not know the how, why, or what is behind actions.
Why it is wrong to leave conversations on ‘read’!
- You end up a has-been. A has-been is someone considered outdated or out of fashion. Sadly, you are no longer of significance. Ironically, when we end conversations abruptly, our relationships are automatically inputted in the past.
- The other person can move on. Saying things like: the relationship is no longer in demand since they did not answer me.
- Yet, you are left with all the past information, given that you only have the details.
- You are acting selfishly. Maybe, you can end a conversation or relationship without caring. Maybe, nothing I mentioned above applies to you. You sleep easily on your own. However, the other party is left wondering, “Why”. That is not cool, nice, or mature.
Who is toxic?
Life is stacked with lessons. Perhaps, the hardest one to learn is that sometimes we are toxic.
Other times, we are the victims of toxic people. We get intoxicated by poisonous actions, in turn giving toxic vibes.
In the words of Britney Spears, ” I love what you do because I know that you’re toxic”.
At times, we love the things that sting us. Other times, we want to sting.
We cannot be innocent or guilty in every situation.
That is why talking out our feelings at the end, even if we do not plan on continuing relationships, works.
In some ways, we can learn more about ourselves for the next relationship. If we acted in a toxic way- we can check ourselves.
Whereas, if people treated us poorly, we should ask why. As a result, we can see how we somehow let them treat us that way.
That is not always the case, though. Sometimes, people just like to hurt others. It can have nothing to do with you. That is why it would be comforting to the soul to learn.
Here’s when it is morally ok to disengage.
- When arguments go in circles. No need to waste time on circular reasoning. If you try to explain yourself and they are not listening, only seeing their side. Then, you are wasting your time. No, they don’t fancy listening.
- When speaking to the other person causes you unbearable distress and anxiety. Relatedly, conversing with someone should not make you puff and pant. If the side-effects of seeing or confronting someone causes you deep distress, then you get a pass for yourself. Selfishly, your feelings are important. You do not need to stick around for someone to verbally attack you.
- When in abuse cases, conversations are often futile. Since an abuser always tells you what you want to hear. Conversation, praise, and presents are the way to lure you back in. Dark and twisted psychology games exist; you don’t have to be the subject. Do not waste your time on narcissists.
In conclusion, ending things on a toxic note leaves acid in people’s mouths.
Literally, their last image of you is an ‘evil’ one. Like snakes, this story of how inconsiderate you are can be shared numerous times.
If public shaming is what you fear, then this does not look good. However, that is not what matters, in my opinion.
Pssht, gossip will always happen whether you are right or wrong.
It only matters that you are left with a toxic ending.
Instead of looking back with fond memories, you only remember that you got so annoyed, so hurt, that you left everything behind without a word.
When someone just walks away, it means that they were pushed past their limit. A tender heart can only handle so much.
Consequently, you left all this pain inside. Everything they did that annoyed or hurt you- you left for only yourself to deal through.
I’m sorry, that burden must be so hard to carry. You deserve more.
The worst toxic ending to walking away is knowing that you put up with less than you deserve for too long. Until you stopped.
You deserve to be defended.
Maybe if you spoke up, at least their actions would change, and the next person they speak to won’t hurt anymore.
You don’t have to be a savior, though. You can leave a toxic situation behind by saying your peace (for you).
Let’s hope, 2022 will have less toxic situations.