A poem about quarantine
Quarantine & lockdown, day 30: When failure produces poetry
In a bucket- on the ground. With the leaves. And the thieves. The pious and the impious. The guilty and the innocent. We all spin around and around. In what we convince ourselves is the circle of life. A silver cage holds, holds all our truths. Water cleanses our lies. Polishes our truths. The crimson ash leaves and debris lay around waiting, lay around waiting for you. Waiting for you to leave your water haven. Your circle of truth. Just waiting for you to bump ahead a step or two. Fresh water waits for you. So, wash your hands.
Your circle is safe.
Your circle is tight.
Your circle is 3 meters wide.
Pinch me. So, I remember. Remember, what it feels to hurt.
Stir me- So, I remember. Remember, what it feels to spin.
Sniff me. So, I remember. Remember, what it feels to be smelled.
Be with me. So, I remember. Remember, to feel. In you go, it is safe here. Into-my-water-sanctuary.
Background information about the poem
Hi, there. The above poem is about quarantine. What does quarantine mean to you? To me, this poem represents my emotions during lockdown. Also, this is my way of thinking and hoping for the future. Hopefully, we will see “normal” days again. This time alone has left me a lot of time to think. Specifically, I am trying new things.
So, I love writing. However, writing is not new to me. This little part about sharing it- that is new. There are many reasons I am afraid. Listed below are the key reasons 👇🏼
The top 3 reasons I am afraid to share my work.
- Firstly, I am afraid of failing. I guess writing is private to me. When writing in my diary or notes, the words are mine. My writing is safe tucked away with me. I never fail. To me, writing was never a competition. Or a need to show off. I was safe from judgement.
- To illustrate, this poem is an example of failure. I submitted this piece to a writing competition. Spoiler alert: I lost. I found out about the challenge 2 days before the deadline. I wrote it last minute in less than 24 hours. To clarify, the challenge was to respond to an image of a bucket with water in it. Despite losing, I still enjoyed writing this. Maybe, the fear of failing pushed me- to write.
- Secondly, writing makes me vulnerable. I feel like I let you in. Welcome to my deepest darkest thoughts. I am scared someone will discover just how insane I am.
- Thirdly, I am afraid people will praise me. Ironically, this contradicts my first reason. Additionally, I shared my writing with others before. I used a pseudonym and published anonymously as Cucu-Later. Why did it feel so weird to be praised? Some even supported my work. I guess it made me feel awkward. Well, now I am welcoming the awkward. I am putting my name to my writing and sharing my story. I am exposing myself here.
Why you should start writing in quarantine too.
If we stay hiding, all we are left with are fears. Sometimes, these fears can stop us. However, I am going to tell you why you should start writing too. I am the type of person that always felt safe. I always felt secure. To illustrate, smiling always seemed like second nature to me.
I never got bullied. I never lost anything important. Although this year, I lost many things for the first time. Things as simple as a diet coke are missing where I live. For the first time in my life, doors were slammed shut in my face.
Weirdly, feeling stuck is liberating. For someone who never really failed to suddenly fail at everything. Finally, the pressure left. I am at ease. Thank you, for letting me fail. Today, I am addicted to failure. Maybe I am self-hating. I like to push how far I can go.
Anyway, who made the word failure a curse word? It is the ultimate diss. It reminds me of the “F” word . Well, I declare loud and proud- I am a failure.
Final thoughts: Being comfortable with the uncomfortable
Previously, I never understood people who say it sucks to be comfortable. My favorite PJS are comfortable. Yes, they make me feel cozy and happy. Why break something that is already working? I love my little cocoon. Why ruin my happiness? It makes no sense.
Dear reader, I woke up one day and realized I am the same person as I was 5 years ago. My personality is the same. I eat the same food. I crack the same jokes. Hell, I even wear the same clothes. At some point, things get boring. I am boring.
I do not want to be boring anymore. You should not be boring either.
To me, quarantine meant becoming me again.
I am getting in touch with a side of me I lost over the years.
To me, writing brings both: relief and angst.
What about you? What calls to you at night? Whatever it is- that is what you should do.
In a nutshell, I am finding the joy in being uncomfortable.
I hope you start writing too. Or, singing. Write. Draw. Sing. Paint. Whatever it is, go for it.